Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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