We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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