Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize