Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
