Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He did a backflip because drugs
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
