Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize