4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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