I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
