WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You can't just leave with hair like that
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
