I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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