so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
