When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
