I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
