Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
