I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Randomize
