There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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