dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
