I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
