the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
