The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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