I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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