so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
