did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
