I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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