bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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