look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
