dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
