he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
