what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Acid is not a monday night drug
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
