just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
