I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
