my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
