Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
