Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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