and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
