I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
