I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Randomize
