Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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