I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
