Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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