I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize