Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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