I want to make a zoo with you.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
