Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
