Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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