Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Randomize
