Apparently you make a good broom.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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