Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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