I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Oh god it's open bar.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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