alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
