Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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