So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
