i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
