just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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