I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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