i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
