The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
