Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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