i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
