Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
