I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
