I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
