Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i barfeds in our rink
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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