Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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